30s

I’m 30 now.

I surely don’t feel any older, wiser or any different from last week. There is no difference between turning 30 and, say, 29. But I still like its symbolism. I believe that 30s will be different from 20s.

For me, 20s means definitely young. 40s – definitely not young. 30s – a mix of both, which I feel is going to be interesting.

I’m a family man and I need to take responsible decisions, thinking about the consequences of my actions not only for me but also for the people I care. Yet I don’t feel much pressure. I don’t yet worry for many things, since I feel like I have enough time and energy to keep up if I loose anything.

For example, I have a good paying job, where I like what I do and where I learn a lot. Yet I’m not trying to do everything possible to hold onto it, not sweating before suggesting a solution and worrying that I might say something stupid or being afraid to fuckup by deciding to deploy in production. I feel like I’d better practice my analytical thinking and decision making instead. I also know that in the worst case I have enough time and opportunity to find another job.

I feel like the more older I get, the more self improvement I seek. I want to believe that I’m getting cleverer. Yet I know I’m still young and careless enough to make stupid things and learn from them, not trying to appear like I know things, stay mostly relaxed and at ease. I believe that 30s will be the peak of it.

It will be fun!

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